Motherhood

Quick Rant

Just putting this out there, a quick little rant generated by the combination of a personal parenting rough patch and Louis Theroux's documentary, Mothers on the Edge. 

Not What I'd Hoped For

I had hoped the latter would cover the total ongoing agony that it is to raise children rather than just the first year of the shocking hell. 

But it was good to hear, sort of, that there are now places new mothers can go to get support. 

50 Hour Labour

I wasn't aware of that salvation, and after a 50-hour labour, copious amounts of sleep deprivation and a fussy baby, I am amazed we made it through.... Well, so far, the journey is still a work in progress, so perhaps my psychosis is just ongoing... 

Trashed My Vibe

Yes, I know I sound very dismal and depressing, but right now I haven't the energy to dress it up into something more palatable. My off-spring have mentally trashed my vibe for the foreseeable.... maybe 15 years?

Constantly Moving Goal Posts

Currently, and I do reserve the right to change my mind as I evolve, I think the biggest ball-ache of raising children is that every time you so much as think you've nailed it, something else quickly rears its beastly head. 

Like a fucked-up game of word mole, the next levels are just about speeding up the frequency and complexity of problems and risks. 

More Challenging than University Challenge

Though sadly, in real life no one gives you a mallet to bash them back down again... the problems, not the kids.. of course! And really, raising kids is far more complex than that.. more like University Challenge when you didn't pass any GCSE's and grew up in a cardboard box 150 ft below the earth's surface, knowing nothing.

24hr Surveillance

I thought, naively, in time constant surveillance could be reduced, well certainly not in these middle years.  If anything, it has to be upgraded, to be more sophisticated and alert. 

I do actually feel like a bloody drone half the time, circling the lives of my children, constantly monitoring their activities to keep them on the straight and narrow. 

Silence is Dangerous

The moment I take my eye off the ball, literally, someone somewhere is getting up to no good.... I’ve learnt, silence is dangerous, not the peaceful serenity it once was. I've always encouraged independence, this has spectacularly bitten me in the arse no end, with all manner of self-initiated destructive mistakes... Like nearly burning the house down by starting a fire in the microwave, confusing 30 seconds for 30 minutes!

Truth is a Moveable Feast

I'm told my kids are intelligent, which is why they are so fucking canny and hard work. If I was to do a straw poll on their future career opportunities, I'd say right now I'm raising a second-hand car salesman and a builder; truth is a very moveable feast, I get told what I want to hear laced with few facts, there's mess everywhere and I never quite get what I've asked for, just a dodgy version of! 

Perhaps this is "the" Bad Patch

People keep trying to salve my sanity, by commenting that perhaps they're getting all their challenging behaviour out now.... Errrr, we haven't even reached the pinnacle of hell, which is the teenage years, I've seen that battlefield from the side lines and I can't believe it’s not going to be awful in my household given the characters involved!

In the Ring

And, that is also what is funny in all of this, I am pretty emotionally evolved. I get what's going on, I see it in 3 D, but I'm too human to prevent myself from being affected by it... And often, join in! 

Avalanche of Shit

Possibly because I never get time out, they don't take turns, they like to co-ordinate their shit behaviour so it’s more like an avalanche than an intermittent drainage issue! 

Screaming Banshee

And no one's interested in acknowledging the parallels I like to draw, between a calm mother who is listened too, trusted and thus able to be generous and kind, and a screaming banshee, that's repeatedly ignored, routinely verbally abused and thus no fun to share space with.

Ultimate Plate Spinner

And, I know I am not alone in my suffering. If I had a penny for every other mother that commiserates the difficulties with me, I'd finally have some money! Personally, and perhaps said before, I do think it's a sign of the times, there is virtually no real support for us plate spinners. 

No Family Nearby

I don't live near enough to any family, I'm a single parent during the week and largely at weekends, my husband's job takes him hours and miles away from being able to give support. 

Just Want to Write

My friends are in similar boats, well some were clever enough to avoid the fiasco of procreation, and they don't want to waste their 'time-off' dealing with my petulant progeny. And, all I really want to do is run my business and write blogs for you to laugh at....

Procreate with someone Mild

So, my advice from this splurge.... For those that haven't fallen into this cesspit yet...You know the nice people you just don't want to date because they're not fucking with your head enough to make them exciting? WFT is that! Procreate with one of those, you should get a nice, calm kid out of it... well 50/50 odds at least!

If it’s Too Late

I recommend Essential Oils, a natural way of navigating these challenging waters. I keep a “happy” spray, comprised of a generous helping of OnGuard essential oil blend, nearby to spray anyone getting out of hand.

When ever we are facing “family time”, I quickly switch on the diffuser to give us the best chance of getting through.

And, for those regular tantrums, once I can get close enough, put Lavender essential oil on them or get them to inhale from their own palms; it’s the only essential oil safe enough to apply without a carrier oil.

Buying essential oils

The world of Essential Oils is not equal, it is unregulated and only 8% of the ingredient needs to be present for it to be marketed as pure. This means that if you are thinking you’re getting an absolute bargain by paying next to nothing, which I used to think, you’re really not. 

They are extremely versatile and magical, so what appears expensive in the first instance is actually very cheap. I’ve done the research for you, I sell the very best, purest essential oils, you can buy them directly from me just email me what you need.

It’s always best to purchase essential oils from a qualified aromatherapist like me, I am accountable and available for guidance.

Essential oil workshops

I run a comprehensive range of essential oil workshops for anyone wishing to deepen their knowledge of essential oils. I can run the workshop either on Zoom or face to face, whatever is possible or your preference.

Useful info about essential oils

Read my blog on Understanding Essential Oils
To understand how to Diffuse read How to Diffuse essential oils
Learn How can I treat anxiety naturally without medication