Mental Wellbeing - Happy 3rd Death Day

This following is an open letter to my dead father, I find this a cathartic way to mark his passing and the enormous impact it continues to have on my life. Plus, the dead like to know they’re remembered and it’s good for our mental wellbeing to spend time remembering them and allowing our grief to flow through and out of us. Keeping any negative feelings inside is dangerous, poisonous to wellbeing and completely counterintuitive.

Tonight, I will print this out and burn it and my children’s letters to their dead grandfather on a ceremonial fire. This keeps him close to us and helps us to have a healthy relationship with death. Death is not a complete ending, just another gateway and so treating it thus is far more beneficial to wellbeing than to maintain a fear of it.

Death is the thirteenth Tarot card for many good reasons, it means endings provide opportunities for transformation if you use them wisely and can see them for what they are…

Dear Dad,

It’s been three years since you suddenly left but it feels like ten! I can still picture your face and, despite my current inability to smell, conjure up your scent. I worried that those important things would fade but luckily, touch wood, they haven’t yet; I reckon I’ve stored them in my long term memory bank, which can’t be erased.

I think about you all the time, you are never too far from my thoughts. Unfortunately the painful misery of your loss is just as sharp as it always was and still regularly conjures a tear or two, but at least it’s only one or two; so much more mascara friendly!

I survive the pain by breathing into it and reminding myself that you are still with me, and if anything, closer and more connected than before; you’re so much more instant these days. I’m so glad three years on I’ve reached a stage when I can withstand your loss rather than be completely pollaxed by it. It’s really my inner child and parent that misses you the most, my adult self is at peace with your death.

And, it’s a good thing you left before the world went mad. I am not sure what you would have made of all of this Covid bollocks, Brexit already pushed you over the edge! The irony is not lost on me that we would have struggled to see each other anyhow because of Covid travel restrictions. So, perhaps on one level we were saved from having to navigate through any differences in our choices, I am not sure I could have survived any further rejections from you.

Please keep talking to me, cheering me on and making me smile, I need you just as much as I ever did and that role is yours alone and you can’t and won’t be replaced; one father is more than enough for any person to cope with!

I love you Dad, so much more than I ever knew. x

Loss of a parent is inevitable and maturing, ideally done when they are ready to leave and you’re ready to let them go. So many of us have these less than perfect endings, a sacrificial transformational preordained gift wrapped in knives and shit, much like a cluster bomb. TIme does make it easier but I have to confess I find life a lot less colourful without my father in it and I can’t see that changing.

If you’re suffering from any sudden unexpected losses, I hope this blog has helped on some level. If you’re struggling to come to terms with your loss, book yourself a consultation with me and I can help you through with empathy, compassion, herbal teas, vitamins and essential oils.

Goddess blessing x